Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
