i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
