Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
