you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
