just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
