I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
