have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
