he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
