I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
