my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
honey bunches of taint.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
