just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
