It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
