I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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