both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
