Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
