i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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