I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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