I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize