Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just threw up on my dentist
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
