Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
