if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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