Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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