were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
