I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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