Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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