I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
