Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pooping to opera.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
