We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
