I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
