I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
