my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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