I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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