I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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