hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
