i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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