I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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