just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
