We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
