no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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