your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
