Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
