its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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