I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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