I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
