this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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