he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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