I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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