I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
