he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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