the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
