why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
