3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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