I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
