Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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