Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
