One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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