Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
