Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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