so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
