I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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