apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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