i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize