Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
