STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
