Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
