so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
