I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
