# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
