her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
