I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
